|
|
|
|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If I can't love
you til the day I die,
Then baby, baby what good am I?
If I can't reach out and know that you'll be there,
Then this old world ain't spinnin' anywhere.
Cos there's no livin' without your lovin',
Without the thrill of your magic touch.
There's no livin' without your lovin',
Baby, I love you too much.
.........................~'There's No Livin', Without Your Lovin''
by Gene Pitney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Failure.
Always failure with them - no matter how hard they tried to set
things right, everything somehow, someway, went wrong.
Why? Just.......why?
Scully sat at the table and stared blankly at the computer
monitor after having sent the e-mail to Mulder - slim hands
arched together in front of her mouth in a silent prayer that he
got it. Every time she blinks she sees the train passing, taking
him away further and further. It should have been so
simple...dangerous, but simple... They hadn't even been able to
face any of the nightmarish scenarios she'd been envisioning
since after the Shadow Man had ordered her to summon Mulder home,
though; one minute the train was approaching, bringing her
beloved protector along with it and then--
...further and further...
--he was gone.
Why?
William began to fuss in his pushchair, and she glanced at him
through the corner of her eye. What kind of mother was she if she
couldn't give her sweet baby boy his father? She was suffering
from her own loss as well as Mulder's, but what about all the
things William was missing out on?
"We'll get him back, I promise," she whispered, finally
moving to comfort her son - who looked set to begin crying.
"Daddy missed his train, but there'll be another one...and
then he'll come home...take us to a baseball game..." A
shaky hand moved to brush over the crest of short
strawberry-blond hair on his head. "...He'll buy me a
tofutti rice dreamsicle, treat you to buttered popcorn despite my
objections..." He seemed to be soothing, but she was quite
the opposite. "...We've just gotta wait for the other
train..."
There was a sound from somewhere above her, and she looked up to
see the waitress standing in front of the pushchair with a
sympathetic expression on her face.
"Could I get you another coffee?" the woman asked
quietly - being careful not to disturb the two other people using
computers in the cafe. "Maybe warm up a bottle for
him?"
Scully shook her head and turned away to close the windows on the
computer monitor. "No, thank you, Sandy - I'm gonna call it
a night, and go home." 'Alone,' her mind silently added at
the end.
The only response from the other woman before turning away was a
silent nod, for which Dana was grateful - she didn't know if her
voice would be able to pass any more words considering the large
ball of emotion blocking her throat.
With a final glance at the now-blank screen, the FBI agent stood
up and then moved to push her son's pram out of the cafe...
...all the while unaware of the two eyes intently watching her
every move.
XxXxXxXxX
There'd been no available place to park when she'd turned up over
half hour ago, so she'd had to park the car a block away. During
the day that was standard anyway, but the night and its shadows
took possession of her fears by presenting the alley necessary to
travel down to get to said vehicle. She stared down it for some
time, surveying the passage for any visible threats, and then
briefly bent down to check William was safely and snugly secured
in his chair before going on ahead.
The sound came the first time after she'd only taken six steps
into the alley, but she dismissed it and continued onward.
The second time came several seconds later and made her falter,
but instead of turning Dana increased her pace.
William became irritated, and she bent over slightly to smile at
him. "It's okay, sweetie - we'll be home soon."
When the shuffling sound from behind her came again for the third
time but much louder - much closer - Scully stopped, drew her
weapon and sharply turned, to see the figure shrouded in shadows
standing ten feet away.
"Who are you? What do you want?" she demanded, unable
to tamper the quaver in her voice - tonight had screwed with her
emotions and delivered so much danger, it was unavoidable. She
manoeuvred her body to stand protectively in front of her son's
pushchair, and steadied the aim of the gun. "Why won't you
leave us alone?"
There was silence for a moment, and the figure didn't move, but
then...
"You wouldn't shoot an unarmed man for wanting to see his
family, would you?"
That voice...like honey over gravel but hushed to avoid detection
by anyone but her. ...It couldn't be, could it? Whether it was or
wasn't, though, Scully let out the sharp breath of air she hadn't
even realised she'd snatched in, and the gun lowered slightly as
she remembered that same voice telling her not to turn around in
her apartment four months ago.
She mouthed the name that had been resting on her lips and in her
heart for an eternity - *his* name - (too scared to say it in
case it wasn't really him) and the dark figure nodded, but still
refused to approach any further. And then she realised why: the
shaft of light dimly illuminating the pathway in front of him
would expose him to any others watching, and no more chances
could be taken...especially not tonight. So, instead, Scully
re-holstered her weapon, turned Will's buggy round and quickly
moved toward the figure and his shadowy haven.
"Mul-der?"
One of his hands raised to tenderly cup her cheek and lift her
face so that they could lock eye-contact. When she found herself
staring into those hazel pools that gave entrance to the depths
of his soul to her alone, that was answer enough. Immediately her
arms wrapped around his neck, and she reached up onto tiptoe so
that their lips could meet for the first time in what seemed
forever. This was what they needed - no more chances could be
missed or ignored whether they were in danger or not. If there
was one thing she'd learnt tonight at the quarry and facing the
supersoldier, it was that - in the end - no amount of precautions
mattered, and the chance to be together again may never
come...they needed to take advantage of every opportunity to
could get.
Fox Mulder let his tired eyes slip shut and his nose buried into
her hair so that he could breathe in that scent he'd been longing
to recapture in his senses for four painful months. He knew he'd
taken a risk by not getting straight back on the road after
leaving the quarry, but he'd watched her run back to her car
after the super soldier had been killed...had seen her pause
before getting in to drive away, and had heard her voice calling
out for him... He had to let her know hen was okay and there for
them no matter what.
Had to touch her.
Smell her.
Hold her and William again in his arms.
They remained in the embrace, feathering each other's skin with
kisses, for several minutes, but it seemed like only a heartbeat
and too quickly he had to step away so that he could bend down to
touch his son.
William looked up at his father, and Scully held her breath as
the boy reached out a hand to swat at the tall man's face.
"Daaaaa!" he gurgled, gleefully, beginning to bounce
excitedly in his seat. "Daaa!"
Mulder's head quickly lifted to stare and frown at her in
confusion - silently asking 'He *talks*?'
"No," she whispered with a sad smile as she shook her
head. "He just makes sounds - sometimes, even, a *lot* of
them...particularly most of the night...If that wasn't normal
baby behaviour, we know they wouldn't have to go far to discover
who he inherited that trait from."
The crouching man smiled broadly at her before turning his
attention back to the baby - brushing a hand over the fine hair
on his small head.
"He definitely knows who you are, though," Scully
continued, intently watching the two of them. "Baby or not,
he knows, and he misses you almost as much as I do..."
Mulder gave a nod - resting his chin against his heaving chest
for a handful of seconds before looking back up at her (one hand
still idly petting Will's head whilst the child grips onto the
thumb of his other). There was so much that needed to be said,
but he couldn't for fear that someone would hear him. There was
so much he needed to do but couldn't in case he should
accidentally expose them.
Too much to be able to express, even if he did have time and
there was no threat.
"If it's even half as much as I miss you both, I know you're
suffering," he sighed, pressing his lips to Will's head for
half a minute - closing his eyes as he prayed this would not be
the last time he'd get to do this - and then reluctantly
straightening to tower once again over his partner. "Tell me
to stay, and I will...God, you know I will, without hesitation -
I can't do this any longer..."
A thin, shaky hand reached up to wipe the trail of tears from his
dusty, unshaven face. They feel each's pain, but refuse to back
away from it for fear that it will hunt them down and completely
break them. She wants so badly to utter those words that will
deliver a tomorrow worth living with him by her side - words that
will make her feel reborn into a life where they are safe and can
be the family they've always dreamed of being...
But not yet.
She can't risk it all, not even for one night let alone this
moment. And she knows he can't risk it either.
Her mouth opens to reply, but her breath catches on the
heartbreaking lump of emotion trapped in her throat, and he gives
a sad nod of his head. The response isn't necessary, and he
doesn't think he'd survive if he heard her speak that truth
anyway - all he has to do is stare into her eyes, see the tears
there and the dark circles underneath to know it just isn't meant
to be yet.
"Someday...Someday very soon," he whispers, pressing
his quivering lips against her forehead.
"I need you--...*We* need you home so much...Please, forgive
me..." she wept, wondering how her mother had let Ahab go
away on such a regular basis for so long periods of
time...Wondering if she could really let this man that was such a
big part of her being disappear into the unknown yet again. He'd
been stolen from her for six months little over a year ago, and
then she'd had to push him away from his new family four months
ago...Wasn't this like losing him all over again? "But...I
have to think about later...You are my past, present and future,
and if I take this chance for happiness now, while it's still too
dangerous and They're still hunting you down, you--...you might
be dead by tomorrow and I-I-I won't have a future at all..."
Mulder held her close against him - their hearts beating in
tandem - but it already felt like they were a million miles apart
and the train was rushing further and further away once again.
"If this iron compound is what kills these supersoldiers,
we're that much closer...but we need to do more tests and find
more answers and be one-hundred-and-fifty percent sure
before...before you can come home," she finished.
"I'll get the guys to set up Plan B. The second you have
those answers, Math Geek, you know what to do.
A moment more of silence, and then it was time to say their 'see
you later's once again.
"You keep working on that grip, little man," he
whispered, bending down in front of William one last time.
"You're gonna be the best Little Leaguer there is in a few
years. Also, make sure Mommy doesn't get too close to anymore
strangers." He tried laughing, but the breath caught in his
lungs as he pressed another kiss on the baby's head. "I'll
be home soon, I promise, kiddo." He reluctantly stood and
pushed a long, errant strand of hair behind her ear. "I just
gotta wait for the next train, right, Mommy?"
Scully nodded - desperately trying to keep a hold on her emotion.
"Remember to get off at the station next time."
"Make sure the train actually stops at the station next
time."
Lips fiercely crashed together one last time, 'I love you's were
whispered against skin, and then they turned to walk away in
opposite directions.
Further and further.
Each stopped at their ends of the alley - frozen to the spot and
desperate to glance back over their shoulder. But denial had been
something they'd had to learn to be good at over the years, and
it was something they'd draw upon now to help them hold on, so
they exhaled a breath and then continued on their way.
Always so close, yet always so far away.
And always ready to do whatever it took to be back together.
XXXXXXXXXX
THE END...for now :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never
coming round
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the
sound of my tears
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of
all the years have gone by
Turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see
the look in your eyes
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Every now and then I get a little bit breathless and I crave of
something right
Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and i'm lying like
a child in your arms
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got
to get out of ground
turn around
Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see
the
look in your eyes
turn around bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
turn around bright eyes
every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
'Cause we'll never be wrong
Together we can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do
I'm always in the dark
We're living in a power keg
And giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's going to start tonight
Forever's going to start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
.........................~'Total Eclispse Of The Heart' by Bonnie
Tyler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| <--RETURN TO STORY INDEX | SEND ME FEEDBACK (The holiest of grails! And I'm not too proud to beg either, so drop me a line with any comments) |
DISCLAIMER:
Mulder, Scully and William belong to each other. No questions.
Oh, you mean legally? Nope, still not mine: they remain property
of CC, 1013, Fox et al. If I owned 'em, I'd have treated them a
LOT better :) The song lyrics definitely don't belong to me
either. I live in awe of these songs and the show and their
power...Thank you to the artists and the writers that bless us
with them :)
bravenet.com